Nothing major going on, but just thought I'd check in before I got to work for the day.
Still plugging away OP. I forgot how good it feels to be in control. I will admit it's a drag sometimes when I wish I just didn't have THINK so much about what I'm doing--but we all know what happens when I stop thinking. The mouth takes over!
I head back to the dr's office today for a follow up on my blood work and thyroid scan. I already know my cholesterol is up (not too bad), but have no idea on the rest. I'm a little nervous.
I'm in my 2nd week of the 7 day on-plan challenge and have signed up for one of my other challenges I used to do. It runs through Labor Day and I've set a goal of 7 lbs. Doable, yes?
Yeah, I think so, too.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Are you ready for this?
I can't believe I'm doing this, but I guess I'll do anything to let my geek out and keep things interesting with this weight loss thing...
Fortunately for you all, I won't be doing this all the time, because when I look at that I go, ugh! But, if I suppose this is a good way to see some progress along with pictures.
Catch ya later!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Addictive thinking
I know I've talked about this in previous posts, but considering the roads I've been traveling down lately, I think it bears some repeating. The worst part about this food addiction for me is the shame that is involved.
There's the shame that comes from seeing the evidence of what my addiction, when not under control, does to me. Mirrors do NOT lie.
There's the shame that comes from the anger of "why can't I just get these damn urges under control??". I've done it before--for months at a time. But then, they come raging back and I feel like I've made no progress whatsoever.
Tied into that is the anger I feel at people who DO have that control. Jealousy, envy, whatever you want to call it. I just yearn to have that sense of control--even better the feeling of not being consumed by food.
I've always wondered what it was like not to "think" about food. Even when I'm 100% OP I'm thinking about food. "How much, how many points is that, do I feel hungry, full, etc."
UGH! No wonder why I'm fat! I've got food on the brain all the time!
But, once again, I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on track.
I'm pretty sure that I'll never stop thinking like an addict. But, I know I can control the behavior.
I've done it before and I'll do it again.
There's the shame that comes from seeing the evidence of what my addiction, when not under control, does to me. Mirrors do NOT lie.
There's the shame that comes from the anger of "why can't I just get these damn urges under control??". I've done it before--for months at a time. But then, they come raging back and I feel like I've made no progress whatsoever.
Tied into that is the anger I feel at people who DO have that control. Jealousy, envy, whatever you want to call it. I just yearn to have that sense of control--even better the feeling of not being consumed by food.
I've always wondered what it was like not to "think" about food. Even when I'm 100% OP I'm thinking about food. "How much, how many points is that, do I feel hungry, full, etc."
UGH! No wonder why I'm fat! I've got food on the brain all the time!
But, once again, I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on track.
I'm pretty sure that I'll never stop thinking like an addict. But, I know I can control the behavior.
I've done it before and I'll do it again.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Numbers don't lie
How is it possible to be up 5 pounds in one day? Another miserable scale hop.
Been better with the food, but not great.
I'm out of control. I'm feeling buried, overwhelmed, etc. And, although I know it's nowhere near true...
I feel totally alone.
Been better with the food, but not great.
I'm out of control. I'm feeling buried, overwhelmed, etc. And, although I know it's nowhere near true...
I feel totally alone.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
THUMP THUMP THUMP
The noise you just heard is the echoes of my fat ass falling off the wagon weeks ago. I have no excuse, although I came up with plenty:
- I was packing to move
- I was living in a hotel for a week or so
- I was unpacking and getting settled
Whatever.
The scale has launched upward. The grand irony in all of this is that for the first time in ages, I'm actually exercising more than I ever have! I joined the local Y here and am going 3x a week--doing cardio and strength traning. Yet, I continue to stuff my face. Why?
Because I'm an addict and even though I've been doing this for well over a year, it doesn't mean that I can't get careless with the food. I almost wish I could be like the alcoholic who has to stay away from the stuff all together.
But, that goes back to that all or nothing mentality again. Will I ever learn?
So, I'm going to back to the drawing board and seeing if I can fully extract from my head from my ass and my hand from my mouth.
And, one of the steps is to keep up with this blog again.
I'm back...I'm scared, but I can do this...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
My personal challenge...
Getting into the next decade in my weight loss felt like it literally took ten years, but I've finally made it into the 240's.
This was my first time getting through the holidays while on my WLJ. Overall, it was a success. I didn't gain any weight (except for bouncing around with the same 2 lbs for a couple of weeks). The final total loss from Thanksgiving to New Year's was 5 lbs. Not fabulous, but considering that in years past I probably packed on that and maybe more, that's a big success.
January's been off to a better start, but I'm still not as focused as I was a few months ago. There's been so much going on in my life right now, and while most of it is good, there are lots of things to think about and do. We're waiting to hear about a possible move back to Ohio, which is exciting, but scary, too. My work has been almost non-stop, but there's now a possibility that my best/favorite job may stop. I'm praying it doesn't.
My youngest daughter is having issues in Pre-K, but those are getting under control.
I'm running my kids around to all their activities, trying to get the house ready to possibly sell, working and just the "normal stuff" that goes on in a family.
Yeah, crazy.
But, somehow, I've managed to not totally throw myself off the wagon. I haven't had a major binge in forever (oh, a few meals have been less than stellar, i.e. my McD's trip yesterday). But, I've never tossed it all and said, "Screw it".
I'm getting closer to my next 10% and that is inspiring to me. However, I've set one major goal for my WLJ in 2007:
52.2 lbs in 52 weeks
Ok, well that technically started the last week of December. If I meet that goal (and so far, my average weekly loss is on track), I will be in ONEDERLAND by New Year's Eve.
Wow.
That's something to remember when I want to stuff my face.
Oh, there's new pics in my photo album. I don't see a big difference since the last group, but Jon says I'm crazy.
Tell me something I don't know, babe.
Until next week!
This was my first time getting through the holidays while on my WLJ. Overall, it was a success. I didn't gain any weight (except for bouncing around with the same 2 lbs for a couple of weeks). The final total loss from Thanksgiving to New Year's was 5 lbs. Not fabulous, but considering that in years past I probably packed on that and maybe more, that's a big success.
January's been off to a better start, but I'm still not as focused as I was a few months ago. There's been so much going on in my life right now, and while most of it is good, there are lots of things to think about and do. We're waiting to hear about a possible move back to Ohio, which is exciting, but scary, too. My work has been almost non-stop, but there's now a possibility that my best/favorite job may stop. I'm praying it doesn't.
My youngest daughter is having issues in Pre-K, but those are getting under control.
I'm running my kids around to all their activities, trying to get the house ready to possibly sell, working and just the "normal stuff" that goes on in a family.
Yeah, crazy.
But, somehow, I've managed to not totally throw myself off the wagon. I haven't had a major binge in forever (oh, a few meals have been less than stellar, i.e. my McD's trip yesterday). But, I've never tossed it all and said, "Screw it".
I'm getting closer to my next 10% and that is inspiring to me. However, I've set one major goal for my WLJ in 2007:
52.2 lbs in 52 weeks
Ok, well that technically started the last week of December. If I meet that goal (and so far, my average weekly loss is on track), I will be in ONEDERLAND by New Year's Eve.
Wow.
That's something to remember when I want to stuff my face.
Oh, there's new pics in my photo album. I don't see a big difference since the last group, but Jon says I'm crazy.
Tell me something I don't know, babe.
Until next week!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
I am beautiful...
Ok, so my family and I went to visit DH's family and some of our friends from Ohio this past August. It was a good trip and we all had a good time. When I was there, I was already down...oh, just under 50 lbs by then since March. I felt good and thought I looked pretty good.
Other than a few of my friends, no one in Jon's family really said anything. I figured, well, I have a long way to go, so yeah, no big deal.
Fast forward to this weekend. Jon and I arrive in Ohio again for a family funeral and I have heard so much gushing about how great I look, how beautiful I look.
At first, I thought, I haven't lost that much since August. (Ok, it's close to 20 more pounds...)
But, when I looked at pictures from the wedding, I was like, Oh MY GOD! I look totally different than I did in August.
I accepted all the compliments with grace and a smile and a big thank you.
And, I felt really good.
I still have a long way to go--and the past few weeks have had me fighting with the same 3 to 5 pounds, but I'm still going in the right direction.
The entire weekend I kept track, made good choices: except for last night, which was Jon's and I last night here and a rare quiet meal between the two of us. I didn't go crazy, but ate more than I usually do. I felt it last night, but am much better today.
I felt bad, at first, for not keeping closer track or not just ordering a salad. But, what I've come away with this weekend is this: this is my life, one meal does not make a big difference. It may on the scale for Thursday (and, yeah, I'll be pissed, I'm sure, when I see a gain). But, two weeks from now, the damage of that meal will be long gone.
Maybe I am letting go--a little--to that all or nothing mentality. :)
Other than a few of my friends, no one in Jon's family really said anything. I figured, well, I have a long way to go, so yeah, no big deal.
Fast forward to this weekend. Jon and I arrive in Ohio again for a family funeral and I have heard so much gushing about how great I look, how beautiful I look.
At first, I thought, I haven't lost that much since August. (Ok, it's close to 20 more pounds...)
But, when I looked at pictures from the wedding, I was like, Oh MY GOD! I look totally different than I did in August.
I accepted all the compliments with grace and a smile and a big thank you.
And, I felt really good.
I still have a long way to go--and the past few weeks have had me fighting with the same 3 to 5 pounds, but I'm still going in the right direction.
The entire weekend I kept track, made good choices: except for last night, which was Jon's and I last night here and a rare quiet meal between the two of us. I didn't go crazy, but ate more than I usually do. I felt it last night, but am much better today.
I felt bad, at first, for not keeping closer track or not just ordering a salad. But, what I've come away with this weekend is this: this is my life, one meal does not make a big difference. It may on the scale for Thursday (and, yeah, I'll be pissed, I'm sure, when I see a gain). But, two weeks from now, the damage of that meal will be long gone.
Maybe I am letting go--a little--to that all or nothing mentality. :)
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Struggling
It's not even Thanksgiving and I'm having a hard time.
This morning, I had to post on my message board that I'm out of the Every Day Challenge. Big deal, right? To me it is. I've been on board with that challenge since May.
And, did I fall face first into a pile of Cheetos? Nope
Eat a whole bag of cookies?
Nah.
It's the little bites, licks and tastes that have been doing me in this week. A little bit here, "Don't worry about it, Marie!" A little extra there: "I can't handle it!"
Don't even bring up the exercise thing....
The good news is that I'm not falling face first into the horrible stuff. But, this pattern is disturbing to me. Where is this attitude coming from? After almost 8 months of doing this, I should be well past this.
Or so I thought.
If I go back in my blog, I think I'll find something there about this being an addiction. For so long, I've been overly-conscious of what I put in my mouth. Lately, it just feels like work and I'm cheating.
And, blowing it.
I know I could be doing a lot worse (i.e. BINGE). So, again, that's another positive.
My thing now is to figure out what is causing this crappy attitude. So, I'm gonna try this. I'm just going to write down the stuff I'm feeling and maybe that will enlighten me.
I feel isolated.
I feel lonely.
I feel busy (which isn't a bad thing)
I feel proud that work is going well.
I feel confused as to why the work has to be an "all or nothing" thing.
I feel empty because even though I have people in my life that are the best, I don't have anyone to spend time with on a regular basis.
I feel bad because I know I could probably do better with making connections with friends.
I feel conflicted because although I know I should be making connections, I'm trying to get my career on the move and consistent--and it's hard to do that and have a social life right now.
I feel worried that I'm not in control of my WLJ and it's the hoilidays.
I feel stupid for letting some of these bad habits sneak back into my day.
Ok, that's enough of that. I'm seeing a trend.
Now, as I always like to say, "What am I going to do about it?"
To be continued....
This morning, I had to post on my message board that I'm out of the Every Day Challenge. Big deal, right? To me it is. I've been on board with that challenge since May.
And, did I fall face first into a pile of Cheetos? Nope
Eat a whole bag of cookies?
Nah.
It's the little bites, licks and tastes that have been doing me in this week. A little bit here, "Don't worry about it, Marie!" A little extra there: "I can't handle it!"
Don't even bring up the exercise thing....
The good news is that I'm not falling face first into the horrible stuff. But, this pattern is disturbing to me. Where is this attitude coming from? After almost 8 months of doing this, I should be well past this.
Or so I thought.
If I go back in my blog, I think I'll find something there about this being an addiction. For so long, I've been overly-conscious of what I put in my mouth. Lately, it just feels like work and I'm cheating.
And, blowing it.
I know I could be doing a lot worse (i.e. BINGE). So, again, that's another positive.
My thing now is to figure out what is causing this crappy attitude. So, I'm gonna try this. I'm just going to write down the stuff I'm feeling and maybe that will enlighten me.
I feel isolated.
I feel lonely.
I feel busy (which isn't a bad thing)
I feel proud that work is going well.
I feel confused as to why the work has to be an "all or nothing" thing.
I feel empty because even though I have people in my life that are the best, I don't have anyone to spend time with on a regular basis.
I feel bad because I know I could probably do better with making connections with friends.
I feel conflicted because although I know I should be making connections, I'm trying to get my career on the move and consistent--and it's hard to do that and have a social life right now.
I feel worried that I'm not in control of my WLJ and it's the hoilidays.
I feel stupid for letting some of these bad habits sneak back into my day.
Ok, that's enough of that. I'm seeing a trend.
Now, as I always like to say, "What am I going to do about it?"
To be continued....
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Still here and still doing well
I think I've reached the point in my WLJ that it's just become the normal day to day stuff. It's been....let's see...almost eight months since starting the journey. I never dreamed that I'd have almost 65 lbs gone by the week before Thanksgiving.
I'm not as "anal" as I was about the program when I started (a few of those bites, licks and tastes don't wind up on my journal). However, I am still having to consciously make decisions about what and when I stuff my face.
For example, this morning I took my girls to Dunkin Donuts---mmmm. Now, this used to be a regular stop for me. My breakfast of choice? Onion bagel and Mocha Coolatta. It has been ages since I've had a coolatta and it was calling my name LOUDLY today.
I had a great WI this morning (as you can see in my progress chart over there) and on WI day, my flex points reset. I certainly could have had the coolatta and bagel. But, I knew it would take a good chunk of my points for the day and I didn't want to break into the extras just so I can eat dinner. If I'm gonna use the FPs, it better be for something good!!
So, I passed on the drive-thru. My girls are happily eating their donuts, and I went home to my OJ, lite bread toast and bowl of cheerios.
And it was delicious!
So, the decisions are still tough, but making the right choice is a little easier.
I'm not as "anal" as I was about the program when I started (a few of those bites, licks and tastes don't wind up on my journal). However, I am still having to consciously make decisions about what and when I stuff my face.
For example, this morning I took my girls to Dunkin Donuts---mmmm. Now, this used to be a regular stop for me. My breakfast of choice? Onion bagel and Mocha Coolatta. It has been ages since I've had a coolatta and it was calling my name LOUDLY today.
I had a great WI this morning (as you can see in my progress chart over there) and on WI day, my flex points reset. I certainly could have had the coolatta and bagel. But, I knew it would take a good chunk of my points for the day and I didn't want to break into the extras just so I can eat dinner. If I'm gonna use the FPs, it better be for something good!!
So, I passed on the drive-thru. My girls are happily eating their donuts, and I went home to my OJ, lite bread toast and bowl of cheerios.
And it was delicious!
So, the decisions are still tough, but making the right choice is a little easier.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Pushing 60
What woman in her right mind would gleefully admit that she's pushing 60?
Me!!
And I look damn good for pushing 60.
I've lost 59.3 lbs and am oh so close to another group of milestones:
1. 60 lbs lost
2. 2nd 10% (259.3)
3. Out of 260's forever!!
This past week has been one of facing some facts and getting refocused and energized for this journey. I've discovered that I can't do this on autopilot. You'd think I'd have learned that after getting to over 320 lbs that I just can't do this absentmindedly. I'm a slow learner, I suppose. During my brief "brainspace" I didn't do any damage--thank God! But, I also discovered that attitude is everything, or at least a lot of it.
In order to succeed on this journey I need to continue to be an ACTIVE participant. The pounds won't go away by wishing or hoping or praying (although they do help a little, especially on those dreaded WI days LOL.
Also, I feel much better when I'm in control and actively working my plan. So, even on days where I'm struggling emotionally, and I have those kind of days often enough...I can deal with what I'm feeling without the crutch of food.
Yeah, life at 60 is gonna be good. But, since we all know about my patience level, I gotta say that I'm sure 70 will be even better!
Me!!
And I look damn good for pushing 60.
I've lost 59.3 lbs and am oh so close to another group of milestones:
1. 60 lbs lost
2. 2nd 10% (259.3)
3. Out of 260's forever!!
This past week has been one of facing some facts and getting refocused and energized for this journey. I've discovered that I can't do this on autopilot. You'd think I'd have learned that after getting to over 320 lbs that I just can't do this absentmindedly. I'm a slow learner, I suppose. During my brief "brainspace" I didn't do any damage--thank God! But, I also discovered that attitude is everything, or at least a lot of it.
In order to succeed on this journey I need to continue to be an ACTIVE participant. The pounds won't go away by wishing or hoping or praying (although they do help a little, especially on those dreaded WI days LOL.
Also, I feel much better when I'm in control and actively working my plan. So, even on days where I'm struggling emotionally, and I have those kind of days often enough...I can deal with what I'm feeling without the crutch of food.
Yeah, life at 60 is gonna be good. But, since we all know about my patience level, I gotta say that I'm sure 70 will be even better!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
6 months--so close and yet so far
Although I can now say I've lost 55 lbs, I'm feeling frustrated. My focus isn't where it needs to be and I think my weight loss is reflecting that. Fortunately, I'm still losing, but it has slowed significantly the past few weeks.
It could be because my body is adjusting--to what, I'm not sure. Some call it a plateau. I'm not sure that's it.
It may be because even though I'm OP, I'm not 100% committed. I can do better with my water, activity and keeping a close eye on portions. I need to work harder, plain and simple.
There have been days lately where I would love to just sit and stuff my face. And, I haven't felt that way in a while. I'm trying to determine the cause of these feelings. I am glad, though, that I haven't given in to those temptations. I ain't going back to where I was--not ever.
So, something is telling me to figure out what's going on.
Since the girls have gone back to school and Jon's work continues to get more insane, I've been doing all I can to keep things running smoothly at home (i.e., keep it from getting to be a total dump). I'm getting in some "me time" by performing in a play--but that is work and does create some stress. I also have a lot of writing work going on.
Stress and I have a love/hate relationship, it seems. I work well under pressure; I'm getting lots done. However, my brain isn't on weight loss 24/7 like it has been.
In trying to stay away from the dreaded 'all or nothing' mentality, I know I need a balance. My weight loss isn't the only part of my life, but it is an important one that I don't want to lose sight of.
Perhaps the fact that I'm keeping it together in spite of everything going on is an indicator that I'm doing something right.
I said to a fellow WL poster that I'm tired of being fat and it's pissing me off now. It took me 10 years to do the damage to my body and my psyche: what should I expect from about 6 months of work?
I'm just not a patient person.
Still, if someone would have told me 6 months ago, when I finally made a commitment to get healthy, that I'd be 55 lbs lighter on September 28, I probably would have dropped to the floor and laughed my fat ass off.
How is it possible that 6 months seems like it's passed in the blink of an eye, but also still feels like forever.
I hope that as I continue to lose the pounds that I find some more patience.
It could be because my body is adjusting--to what, I'm not sure. Some call it a plateau. I'm not sure that's it.
It may be because even though I'm OP, I'm not 100% committed. I can do better with my water, activity and keeping a close eye on portions. I need to work harder, plain and simple.
There have been days lately where I would love to just sit and stuff my face. And, I haven't felt that way in a while. I'm trying to determine the cause of these feelings. I am glad, though, that I haven't given in to those temptations. I ain't going back to where I was--not ever.
So, something is telling me to figure out what's going on.
Since the girls have gone back to school and Jon's work continues to get more insane, I've been doing all I can to keep things running smoothly at home (i.e., keep it from getting to be a total dump). I'm getting in some "me time" by performing in a play--but that is work and does create some stress. I also have a lot of writing work going on.
Stress and I have a love/hate relationship, it seems. I work well under pressure; I'm getting lots done. However, my brain isn't on weight loss 24/7 like it has been.
In trying to stay away from the dreaded 'all or nothing' mentality, I know I need a balance. My weight loss isn't the only part of my life, but it is an important one that I don't want to lose sight of.
Perhaps the fact that I'm keeping it together in spite of everything going on is an indicator that I'm doing something right.
I said to a fellow WL poster that I'm tired of being fat and it's pissing me off now. It took me 10 years to do the damage to my body and my psyche: what should I expect from about 6 months of work?
I'm just not a patient person.
Still, if someone would have told me 6 months ago, when I finally made a commitment to get healthy, that I'd be 55 lbs lighter on September 28, I probably would have dropped to the floor and laughed my fat ass off.
How is it possible that 6 months seems like it's passed in the blink of an eye, but also still feels like forever.
I hope that as I continue to lose the pounds that I find some more patience.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Updated photos
It's been a while since I've subjected myself to the "mug shot" update, so I had Jon take some pics. You can check them out by clicking the link in my sidebar.
Amazingly enough, I'm actually smiling in the pictures and looking a little more comfortable in my skin. There's still plenty of me to go around, but a lot less than the new "before picture" I put in the album. All I can say is that "Aladdin's Magic Carpet ride" must have had some real magic to get that huge body and my two kids even remotely off the ground--which it did. My mom found that picture the last time I was home and gave it to me as a reminder of where I started. Fortunately, I started at a little less than what is pictured here, but not much.
*full body shiver*
I can't believe I let it get that bad.
Never again.
Amazingly enough, I'm actually smiling in the pictures and looking a little more comfortable in my skin. There's still plenty of me to go around, but a lot less than the new "before picture" I put in the album. All I can say is that "Aladdin's Magic Carpet ride" must have had some real magic to get that huge body and my two kids even remotely off the ground--which it did. My mom found that picture the last time I was home and gave it to me as a reminder of where I started. Fortunately, I started at a little less than what is pictured here, but not much.
*full body shiver*
I can't believe I let it get that bad.
Never again.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
50 lbs gone!
After a couple of weeks of dancing around the on the scale (you'd think I'd earn some APs for that, huh?) I finally earned my 50lb star! Actually, it's 50.4
Yeah, it feels amazing and I've earned every ounce of that loss--wait does that sound like a conradiction??
I'm starting to get a lot of comments on how good I look, "you've lost weight". I'm getting more comfortable with simply saying, "Thank you."
Ironically, for the first time in ages today, I had the nibblies. So, I let myself eat a little more often than usual today--and I counted every point. Only into my fresh FPs by 8...not bad at all. And, it felt good to snack and still feel in control.
Oh, that and I ordered grilled chicken and GREEN BEANS for lunch out with a friend?
What have I become??!! LOL
I don't know what I've become, except that there's a lot less of it now than before!
On to my 75lb star!
Yeah, it feels amazing and I've earned every ounce of that loss--wait does that sound like a conradiction??
I'm starting to get a lot of comments on how good I look, "you've lost weight". I'm getting more comfortable with simply saying, "Thank you."
Ironically, for the first time in ages today, I had the nibblies. So, I let myself eat a little more often than usual today--and I counted every point. Only into my fresh FPs by 8...not bad at all. And, it felt good to snack and still feel in control.
Oh, that and I ordered grilled chicken and GREEN BEANS for lunch out with a friend?
What have I become??!! LOL
I don't know what I've become, except that there's a lot less of it now than before!
On to my 75lb star!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
3 big steps forward, 1 small step back
After an almost 2 week vacation, I can claim the major scale and non-scale victories of actually losing weight while away! I managed to lose over 5 lbs in the 10 days I was gone. I had a plan, stuck with it (mostly) and didn't feel deprived or frustrated.
However, I guess my body needed some adjustment--I was up a pound this AM at WI.
Yeah, I'm a little bummed. I wanted that 50lb star a lot today! But, it will come. I've already hit some major milestones since this journey started:
5 lbs 4/6/2006
10 lbs 4/20/2006
25 lbs 5/25/2006
30 lbs 6/8/2006
1st 10% 6/15/2006
40 lbs 7/20/2006
50 lbs TBA
2nd 10% TBA
75 lbs TBA
3rd 10% TBA
100 lbs TBA
Looking at the journey this way, I can see that I've hit a major mileston for every month I've been OP. That's a lot of success along the way. I won't hit a milestone in August, but September looks to be a great month! I'll be saying so long to 50lbs, plus will be getting out of the 270s forever!
This helps me keep perspective on days like this, when I'm a little bummed and/or frustrated at the scale.
For every "stumble", I've walked a mile.
I will not look behind me. The view ahead is too exciting to miss!
However, I guess my body needed some adjustment--I was up a pound this AM at WI.
Yeah, I'm a little bummed. I wanted that 50lb star a lot today! But, it will come. I've already hit some major milestones since this journey started:
5 lbs 4/6/2006
10 lbs 4/20/2006
25 lbs 5/25/2006
30 lbs 6/8/2006
1st 10% 6/15/2006
40 lbs 7/20/2006
50 lbs TBA
2nd 10% TBA
75 lbs TBA
3rd 10% TBA
100 lbs TBA
Looking at the journey this way, I can see that I've hit a major mileston for every month I've been OP. That's a lot of success along the way. I won't hit a milestone in August, but September looks to be a great month! I'll be saying so long to 50lbs, plus will be getting out of the 270s forever!
This helps me keep perspective on days like this, when I'm a little bummed and/or frustrated at the scale.
For every "stumble", I've walked a mile.
I will not look behind me. The view ahead is too exciting to miss!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Week 16 update
I've gotten over the first major hurdle of my weight loss journey. It's still hard to put my finger on what has been going on, but all I know is that the past few weeks have been a challenge. Today's WI gave me encouragement and proof that I can do this evne in difficult situations. Working the plan away from home isn't too easy, I've discovered. But, I did it! I have one more trip in August and I'll face it, plan as much as I can and do my best.
I've lost over 40 lbs in 16 weeks. Less than 10 to showing 50 lbs to the door and less than 20 lbs to my next 10%. It's still a long road ahead, but inch by inch, mile by mile, I'm traveling to my destination--wherever the journey may lead!
Trying strength training this week to spice up my activity choices. 3x a week for that and a few days week of cardio (walking, etc.). I'm no athlete but at least I'm getting up off my fat ass and making an attempt. I couldn't/wouldn't do that even a few months ago.
Oh yeah, I'll be sooooo "buuuuuffff" LOL Riiiight.
More later!
I've lost over 40 lbs in 16 weeks. Less than 10 to showing 50 lbs to the door and less than 20 lbs to my next 10%. It's still a long road ahead, but inch by inch, mile by mile, I'm traveling to my destination--wherever the journey may lead!
Trying strength training this week to spice up my activity choices. 3x a week for that and a few days week of cardio (walking, etc.). I'm no athlete but at least I'm getting up off my fat ass and making an attempt. I couldn't/wouldn't do that even a few months ago.
Oh yeah, I'll be sooooo "buuuuuffff" LOL Riiiight.
More later!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Little things mean a lot
The past 8 days have required me to stop and try to remember why I'm doing this and that this is something that will take a long time to accomplish. It's been 15 weeks since I started this journey. Each day, each week has presented various challenges and I've met all of them head on and overcome whatever has stood in my way. You'd think after being at this for a while, that little potholes in the road wouldn't faze me. Weeks like this one give me the harsh reminder that I am not Wonder Woman and that I am, indeed, still sensitive about various aspects of this weight loss journey.
In my case, it seems that the big obstacles are easier for me to deal with than the smaller things that life throws my way. I let the little things nag and eat away at me until I feel like I'm going to scream or what to shove twinkies down my throat.
You'll be happy to know that I've kept away from the Twinkie cream filling's evil temptation song...
A combination of various, ordinary thing have been building up into this mish mosh of crap that is bringing me down and has taken my positive outlook with it. Long hours at work for DH, trying to keep two girls entertained and not killing each other for the summer, taking a trip home that has been less enjoyable than I really needed it to be at this point and getting ready for another long trip that is bound to be a challenge has just worn on me. I'm lost in a sea of minutiae and am bogged down.
I had my first maintain on the scale this past Thursday and that seems to reflect the theme of where I'm at right now--stuck.
In spite of getting caught up in the muck of all of this stuff, I am discovering that keeping my eye on the little victories means a lot, too. For instance:
Even though I maintained this week, I did it while away "on vacation" (sort of) at my parents' house. The more I think on that, the more I realize this is a significant victory.
As of today, I have been OP for 83 consecutive days...and since I started on March 29, I've only gone off plan once (April 17th, to be exact)!!!
I'm learning more about how my eating habits have changed and am recognizing old habits sooner, keeping any slip ups minor.
I'm getting more activity in than I ever have before.
Hm, I guess those are the life changes I keep professing are the most important parts of my weight loss journey. It is all of these little changes that are going to lead to the big changes in my health and appearance that I so desperately want and need.
In my case, it seems that the big obstacles are easier for me to deal with than the smaller things that life throws my way. I let the little things nag and eat away at me until I feel like I'm going to scream or what to shove twinkies down my throat.
You'll be happy to know that I've kept away from the Twinkie cream filling's evil temptation song...
A combination of various, ordinary thing have been building up into this mish mosh of crap that is bringing me down and has taken my positive outlook with it. Long hours at work for DH, trying to keep two girls entertained and not killing each other for the summer, taking a trip home that has been less enjoyable than I really needed it to be at this point and getting ready for another long trip that is bound to be a challenge has just worn on me. I'm lost in a sea of minutiae and am bogged down.
I had my first maintain on the scale this past Thursday and that seems to reflect the theme of where I'm at right now--stuck.
In spite of getting caught up in the muck of all of this stuff, I am discovering that keeping my eye on the little victories means a lot, too. For instance:
Even though I maintained this week, I did it while away "on vacation" (sort of) at my parents' house. The more I think on that, the more I realize this is a significant victory.
As of today, I have been OP for 83 consecutive days...and since I started on March 29, I've only gone off plan once (April 17th, to be exact)!!!
I'm learning more about how my eating habits have changed and am recognizing old habits sooner, keeping any slip ups minor.
I'm getting more activity in than I ever have before.
Hm, I guess those are the life changes I keep professing are the most important parts of my weight loss journey. It is all of these little changes that are going to lead to the big changes in my health and appearance that I so desperately want and need.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Updated progress pictures
As promised, I've updated my progress photos. Just click on the link in the sidebar and check out the pictures there--there are three folders: April, June, July.
Slow progress is being made, but the pictures will be good to have as a lasting record of the journey!
Slow progress is being made, but the pictures will be good to have as a lasting record of the journey!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Another week, another loss!
Updated stats show another good loss this week, in spite of eating a lot last night (but still OP--barely! LOL).
Very close to -40 and leaving the next "decade" (10 pound bracket) behind me.
Here's the decades I've already left in the past:
320's (only had to lose .6 to leave this decade, but still...:) )
310's
300's
290's
3 more pounds until I can kiss goodbye to the 280's!
I have my yearly checkup today. I'm hoping my BP is down and am eager to share my progress with my DR. Last time I was there--when I was really sick around the holidays--I was at my highest weight. It will be a little easier to step on the scale today, although I know it will be higher there, dr.'s scale always is! I'll post about my visit later today!
Off to drink some water and do some free weights before cleaning the house, getting kids around and heading to my appt!
Very close to -40 and leaving the next "decade" (10 pound bracket) behind me.
Here's the decades I've already left in the past:
320's (only had to lose .6 to leave this decade, but still...:) )
310's
300's
290's
3 more pounds until I can kiss goodbye to the 280's!
I have my yearly checkup today. I'm hoping my BP is down and am eager to share my progress with my DR. Last time I was there--when I was really sick around the holidays--I was at my highest weight. It will be a little easier to step on the scale today, although I know it will be higher there, dr.'s scale always is! I'll post about my visit later today!
Off to drink some water and do some free weights before cleaning the house, getting kids around and heading to my appt!
Friday, June 23, 2006
More than a 12-step program.
Time for an introduction.
My name is Marie and I'm a foodaholic.
[insert group response of "Hi Marie!" here*]
I never thought I'd be in a position of being an addict. I grew up with an alcoholic father. His disease destroyed his life and made the family's a roller coaster ride from hell at times. He died at the ripe old age of 55 because of his addiction. I swore up and down that I would never be like my father. My clever solution to the problem was to simply avoid alcohol. It never thrilled me anyway, and I figured why chance it? I saw it kind of like playing with fire.
But, after 35 years of living, and more than half of that with an addict in the household, I may have discovered that when experts say that alcoholism runs in the family, it's not the alcohol that's the issue. It's the behavior patterns that cause a person to take on an addictive personality.
In other words, I ran like hell away from booze...and straight into the eager, awaiting arms of food.
Food and alcohol aren't inherently bad for us--it's how people abuse it that causes so many problems.
When food is used as a crutch during times of stress, when it's a substitute for dealing with one's problems or feelings, eating has gone beyond a way to sustain life and makes an ominous shift. Instead, it becomes something that can slowly choke the life out of a person who doesn't know when or how to stop. For over 15 years, food wasn't a means of taking care of myself; it was my way of coping with life.
Food addiction is especially challenging compared to other dependencies. I don't say that lightly, because I've seen the ugly side of other addictions. However, neither alcohol nor other drugs are not things that people need in order to survive. Humans need to eat. They don't need to drink beer, mainline smack or smoke a doobie (although once addicted, I know it does become a physical need, in a sense). Recovering alcoholics and drug addicts can avoid their vices. Foodaholics, like me, actually have to go to stores full of potential triggers.
Since I started making a conscious decision to avoid following my father's footsteps into an early grave, my challenge has been to figure out ways to take control over the food so that I can co-exist with it peacefully, without having it and its fat cell friends taking up more residence in my butt, thighs and belly. Eating is something I think about constantly. Before, my thoughts were simply about the next time I would eat--and waiting was impossible. Today, I still think about food all the time, but now it's making sure that I'm only eating when I NEED to and not because I HAVE to. It sounds strange, I know, but there is a subtle difference.
Many recovering addicts have little sayings to help keep them anchored and focused during the challenging times. Typically, I'm not into cliches. For instance, if I see "Food doesn't taste as good as being thin feels." I call a resounding 'BULLSHIT' on that one. Anyone who has ever savored a favorite food would debate that point until the sun rises and sets. There's a great quote from my all-time favorite show, The West Wing. Leo McGarry, the White House Cheif of Staff, is a recovering alocohic who fell off the wagon a few times. His description of addiction should be gospel to those of us who fight dependency every day:
It's all in the details, isn't it? I associate eating with the emotions it elicits. That is addicition in its purest form. Leo's reflection is me--just substitute snack food for scotch.
My anchoring phrase is a question: "Is it worth it?" Some days, having the ice cream or extra slice of pizza is worth it--it's worth doing a little excerise to counteract it. But, I know now that I control what goes into my body and how I deal with it. Eating is no longer a passive experience for me. But, over the past 12 weeks, there have been more days when the answer to "Is it worth it?" has been. "Not today."
Because there is always tomorrow. The food will still be there, waiting for us. It ain't going anywhere until I take it there. Yeah, I like being the one in control.
My name is Marie and I'm a foodaholic.
[insert group response of "Hi Marie!" here*]
I never thought I'd be in a position of being an addict. I grew up with an alcoholic father. His disease destroyed his life and made the family's a roller coaster ride from hell at times. He died at the ripe old age of 55 because of his addiction. I swore up and down that I would never be like my father. My clever solution to the problem was to simply avoid alcohol. It never thrilled me anyway, and I figured why chance it? I saw it kind of like playing with fire.
But, after 35 years of living, and more than half of that with an addict in the household, I may have discovered that when experts say that alcoholism runs in the family, it's not the alcohol that's the issue. It's the behavior patterns that cause a person to take on an addictive personality.
In other words, I ran like hell away from booze...and straight into the eager, awaiting arms of food.
Food and alcohol aren't inherently bad for us--it's how people abuse it that causes so many problems.
When food is used as a crutch during times of stress, when it's a substitute for dealing with one's problems or feelings, eating has gone beyond a way to sustain life and makes an ominous shift. Instead, it becomes something that can slowly choke the life out of a person who doesn't know when or how to stop. For over 15 years, food wasn't a means of taking care of myself; it was my way of coping with life.
Food addiction is especially challenging compared to other dependencies. I don't say that lightly, because I've seen the ugly side of other addictions. However, neither alcohol nor other drugs are not things that people need in order to survive. Humans need to eat. They don't need to drink beer, mainline smack or smoke a doobie (although once addicted, I know it does become a physical need, in a sense). Recovering alcoholics and drug addicts can avoid their vices. Foodaholics, like me, actually have to go to stores full of potential triggers.
Since I started making a conscious decision to avoid following my father's footsteps into an early grave, my challenge has been to figure out ways to take control over the food so that I can co-exist with it peacefully, without having it and its fat cell friends taking up more residence in my butt, thighs and belly. Eating is something I think about constantly. Before, my thoughts were simply about the next time I would eat--and waiting was impossible. Today, I still think about food all the time, but now it's making sure that I'm only eating when I NEED to and not because I HAVE to. It sounds strange, I know, but there is a subtle difference.
Many recovering addicts have little sayings to help keep them anchored and focused during the challenging times. Typically, I'm not into cliches. For instance, if I see "Food doesn't taste as good as being thin feels." I call a resounding 'BULLSHIT' on that one. Anyone who has ever savored a favorite food would debate that point until the sun rises and sets. There's a great quote from my all-time favorite show, The West Wing. Leo McGarry, the White House Cheif of Staff, is a recovering alocohic who fell off the wagon a few times. His description of addiction should be gospel to those of us who fight dependency every day:
"I like the little things, the way a glass feels in your hand, a good
glass, thick with a heavy base. I love the sound an ice cube makes when you drop it from just the right height. Too high and it'll chip when you drop it. Chip the ice and it'll melt too fast in the Scotch. I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink. I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough. How can you have enough of feeling like this?"
It's all in the details, isn't it? I associate eating with the emotions it elicits. That is addicition in its purest form. Leo's reflection is me--just substitute snack food for scotch.
My anchoring phrase is a question: "Is it worth it?" Some days, having the ice cream or extra slice of pizza is worth it--it's worth doing a little excerise to counteract it. But, I know now that I control what goes into my body and how I deal with it. Eating is no longer a passive experience for me. But, over the past 12 weeks, there have been more days when the answer to "Is it worth it?" has been. "Not today."
Because there is always tomorrow. The food will still be there, waiting for us. It ain't going anywhere until I take it there. Yeah, I like being the one in control.
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