Struggling

It's not even Thanksgiving and I'm having a hard time.

This morning, I had to post on my message board that I'm out of the Every Day Challenge. Big deal, right? To me it is. I've been on board with that challenge since May.

And, did I fall face first into a pile of Cheetos? Nope

Eat a whole bag of cookies?

Nah.

It's the little bites, licks and tastes that have been doing me in this week. A little bit here, "Don't worry about it, Marie!" A little extra there: "I can't handle it!"

Don't even bring up the exercise thing....

The good news is that I'm not falling face first into the horrible stuff. But, this pattern is disturbing to me. Where is this attitude coming from? After almost 8 months of doing this, I should be well past this.

Or so I thought.

If I go back in my blog, I think I'll find something there about this being an addiction. For so long, I've been overly-conscious of what I put in my mouth. Lately, it just feels like work and I'm cheating.

And, blowing it.

I know I could be doing a lot worse (i.e. BINGE). So, again, that's another positive.

My thing now is to figure out what is causing this crappy attitude. So, I'm gonna try this. I'm just going to write down the stuff I'm feeling and maybe that will enlighten me.

I feel isolated.
I feel lonely.
I feel busy (which isn't a bad thing)
I feel proud that work is going well.
I feel confused as to why the work has to be an "all or nothing" thing.
I feel empty because even though I have people in my life that are the best, I don't have anyone to spend time with on a regular basis.
I feel bad because I know I could probably do better with making connections with friends.
I feel conflicted because although I know I should be making connections, I'm trying to get my career on the move and consistent--and it's hard to do that and have a social life right now.
I feel worried that I'm not in control of my WLJ and it's the hoilidays.
I feel stupid for letting some of these bad habits sneak back into my day.

Ok, that's enough of that. I'm seeing a trend.

Now, as I always like to say, "What am I going to do about it?"

To be continued....