A couple of months ago, I had a blast getting back on the stage and performing on one of theater's most influential musicals: "Oklahoma!" There's a particular piece from the show that really hits home with me:

With me, it's all or nuthin'
Is it all or nuthin' with you?
It can't be in between
It can't be now and then
No half and half romance will do...

Rogers and Hammerstein, "Oklahoma!"

Some people call it perfectionism or the need for overachievement, while others may think it's being anal retentive. But, for me, it's simply a case of having an all or nothing mentality--and it is something that touches almost every part of my life.

When I decide to do something, it is because I feel ready to conquer it head on, no turning back, no stopping me. I've always believed that if I'm going to take the time to do something, it has to be right.

However, it turns out that I've been setting myself up for failure all along.

The truth is that in life, there are few things that are clearly right and clearly wrong. The big things (like murder and other things that cause bodily or emotional harm) are pretty cut and dry. It is the day-to-day details of our lives that cause the most problems. With so many choices about what we should or should not do, it is inevitable that bad choices are going to be made from time to time.

My issue has always been this: if I make a bad choice along a chosen path, I just pick up all my marbles and go home. Game over. I've failed.

But, the real failure isn't in making one bad decision; the TRUE failure is the next decision of quitting just because I screwed up once. I'm not sure how many times I've started this weight loss journey, but I think that if I could earn frequent flier miles based on that number, I'd be in Hawaii on someone else's dime by now. In my previous trips, I've gotten to about the point where I'm at now, about 3 months along and then something happens: I have a day where I can't stop shoving food in my mouth for whatever reason and all hell breaks loose. My brain has this switch that plays a recording:

You messed up! Boy are you stupid! What are you doing? *insert LOOONG Pause and then...* Well, since you blew it, you're done, might as well just forget about the whole thing.

Nice, huh?

Each time I failed to keep looking forward, I gained the weight back and more on top of it. Not exactly a recipe for success.

Mistakes happen in spite of all my preparations and hard work. So far, I've been in control, but I know there will be a time where I lose it: a so-so/bad weigh in, a huge meal or one too many snacks for no other reason than I WANT IT NOW.

The new recording I'm working in as a replacement to the old one is this: Is one bad decision worth throwing away the countless good ones I made?

How can I answer no to that one?

I have a lifetime of choices ahead of me and I'm tired of the stress of trying to be "right" all of the time. As long as I keep my focus on the road ahead and not where I started (except as a measure of how far I've come...), even the bad choices won't slow me down too much.

Now, if I can just carry that over to the rest of my life, maybe the emotional eating habit will go away! :)