6 months--so close and yet so far

Although I can now say I've lost 55 lbs, I'm feeling frustrated. My focus isn't where it needs to be and I think my weight loss is reflecting that. Fortunately, I'm still losing, but it has slowed significantly the past few weeks.

It could be because my body is adjusting--to what, I'm not sure. Some call it a plateau. I'm not sure that's it.

It may be because even though I'm OP, I'm not 100% committed. I can do better with my water, activity and keeping a close eye on portions. I need to work harder, plain and simple.

There have been days lately where I would love to just sit and stuff my face. And, I haven't felt that way in a while. I'm trying to determine the cause of these feelings. I am glad, though, that I haven't given in to those temptations. I ain't going back to where I was--not ever.

So, something is telling me to figure out what's going on.

Since the girls have gone back to school and Jon's work continues to get more insane, I've been doing all I can to keep things running smoothly at home (i.e., keep it from getting to be a total dump). I'm getting in some "me time" by performing in a play--but that is work and does create some stress. I also have a lot of writing work going on.

Stress and I have a love/hate relationship, it seems. I work well under pressure; I'm getting lots done. However, my brain isn't on weight loss 24/7 like it has been.

In trying to stay away from the dreaded 'all or nothing' mentality, I know I need a balance. My weight loss isn't the only part of my life, but it is an important one that I don't want to lose sight of.

Perhaps the fact that I'm keeping it together in spite of everything going on is an indicator that I'm doing something right.

I said to a fellow WL poster that I'm tired of being fat and it's pissing me off now. It took me 10 years to do the damage to my body and my psyche: what should I expect from about 6 months of work?

I'm just not a patient person.

Still, if someone would have told me 6 months ago, when I finally made a commitment to get healthy, that I'd be 55 lbs lighter on September 28, I probably would have dropped to the floor and laughed my fat ass off.

How is it possible that 6 months seems like it's passed in the blink of an eye, but also still feels like forever.

I hope that as I continue to lose the pounds that I find some more patience.

Updated photos

It's been a while since I've subjected myself to the "mug shot" update, so I had Jon take some pics. You can check them out by clicking the link in my sidebar.

Amazingly enough, I'm actually smiling in the pictures and looking a little more comfortable in my skin. There's still plenty of me to go around, but a lot less than the new "before picture" I put in the album. All I can say is that "Aladdin's Magic Carpet ride" must have had some real magic to get that huge body and my two kids even remotely off the ground--which it did. My mom found that picture the last time I was home and gave it to me as a reminder of where I started. Fortunately, I started at a little less than what is pictured here, but not much.

*full body shiver*

I can't believe I let it get that bad.

Never again.