Addictive thinking

I know I've talked about this in previous posts, but considering the roads I've been traveling down lately, I think it bears some repeating. The worst part about this food addiction for me is the shame that is involved.

There's the shame that comes from seeing the evidence of what my addiction, when not under control, does to me. Mirrors do NOT lie.

There's the shame that comes from the anger of "why can't I just get these damn urges under control??". I've done it before--for months at a time. But then, they come raging back and I feel like I've made no progress whatsoever.

Tied into that is the anger I feel at people who DO have that control. Jealousy, envy, whatever you want to call it. I just yearn to have that sense of control--even better the feeling of not being consumed by food.

I've always wondered what it was like not to "think" about food. Even when I'm 100% OP I'm thinking about food. "How much, how many points is that, do I feel hungry, full, etc."

UGH! No wonder why I'm fat! I've got food on the brain all the time!

But, once again, I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on track.

I'm pretty sure that I'll never stop thinking like an addict. But, I know I can control the behavior.

I've done it before and I'll do it again.